DON"T SHOVE ME!!!! The force and wisdom in resistance.

2023 communication compassion connection intimacy relationship Jun 29, 2023


What happens when I say the word 




Did you kind of bristle?  It can bring up a lot of concerns or fears. 


force, shove, push, control


We think about resistance being a bad thing. But I had an eye-opening experience show me how incredibly valuable it is. 


I had a babysitter at our house. When  I came home she said that the kitchen drawer was broken. I asked her how it happened and she said she didn't know. 


So the next morning I asked my kids, and they said that she had been shoving it with her hip to close it. I asked my kids, “Well, do you think something might have been in the way?  Let’s look.”


We pried the drawer open. And lo and behold, there was a spoon, which now, (of course), was completely bent over and ruined. But there's a really important key truth in this. 


At any time when you're talking with somebody, or even just experiencing life, and you feel resistance:


There's something there that you don't yet know. 


There's something that needs some attention. It either needs to be laid down flat, or it needs to be turned, or it needs to be lubricated, to be understood, or it needs support. It needs to be talked about and explored  instead of pushing against the resistance and trying to shove your way through it, (like that kitchen drawer), if you stop and ask:


“Why is there resistance? What’s not right? What do I need to know to free it?”


There's going to be something there. The person you're talking with might be a little scared. There might be something that needs to be clarified before you can move on. But take a moment to find out. 


Why is this not going smoothly? If you do that, you're going to have a whole new insight and you're not going to have any need to push or shove.  Things will come into alignment or you will see differences and determine how to respect them. With understanding you'll be able to set it right. Explore what it is that you need to see or understand. And then there will be no need to shove or to resist. 


Where do you resist?

Where do you push?

It's common in our relationships.


I'd love to hear your thoughts.


Dr. Heather