We have all had this happen...someone makes a comment and the conversation derails or comes to a slamming stop.
What are some on these commonly shared statements AND want can you say to encourage conversation versus starting a fight?
"I can't believe you did that."
This is deeply shaming. Instead take a deep breath and say,
"Would you please share with me why you chose that?"
This opens up communication and an important conversation.
"Stop making such a big deal about this!"
Shaming/belittling/diminishing the other. What if you said,
"Wow this is really upsetting you. Help me see how and where this hurts you."
"I am done."
Fear inducing. Try instead,
"We can do this better. I am going to take 10 minutes to calm down and then I will be back."
"I don't have time for this."
Diminishing/shaming
"I need to talk about this later after work. I can't give this my full attention stepping out the door."
"Why do you always/never do that?"
Criticizing/Over-generalizing
"We need to find out how to change this pattern/habit."
"You're just like your mother/father/my ex."
Blaming/belittling/shaming
"I need a little time to lessen my frustration. I'll be back in 10 minutes to do this differently."
"Shut up!"
I think you know this one!
Learning how to move out of destructive conversation spirals is incredibly helpful. We can create boundaries and be respectful of ourself and others.
